As regular readers of this blog — and Twitter/Facebook Small Bites followers — know, a visit to any bookstore’s “diet” section usually elicits groans, eyerolls, sighs, and even a little dry-heaving from yours truly.
These sections are much like sifting for gold; the occasional golden nugget is lost among a sea of useless dirt (except a lot of this dirt has publicists, deep pockets, and VIP connections).
Alas, in the spirit of channeling anger and frustration into positive emotions and good times, here is a fun drinking game to accompany your next bookstore field trip.
You may want to have 911 on speed dial; you’ll probably go into alcoholic shock within two or three minutes.
This list was partially constructed with the help of some Twitter and Facebook followers. Their names appear next to their respective contributions.
FAD DIET BOOK/BOOKSTORE “DIET AISLE” DRINKING GAME
Take a shot each time you see a book…
* With a “lose x pounds in x days” banner/statement on the cover (take an extra shot if the number of pounds is higher than the number of days)
* With the word “skinny” in the title (Jamie Pierce)
* With a “perfect” ideal-sized (AKA size 0 or 2) woman on the cover (Karen Tims) (Andy’s addition: Take an extra shot if that woman is a dewy, abs-rippling-under-the-studio-lights Jillian Michaels. Take TWO extra shots if she has that trademark “I mean BUSINESS” sneer on her face)
* With a shirtless, hunky, Bowflex type man on the cover
* With a mention of “fat burn(ing)” or “boost(ing) your metabolism” on the cover (Kristen Douglas)
* With the word “miracle” in the title or anywhere else on the cover (Adam Laupus)
* With the words “detox” and/or “cleanse” in the title (@koshtoo, via Twitter)
* With an “As Seen On… [Insert Name of TV Talk Show/News Show Here]” sticker on the cover
* With any mention of a “revolutionary” or trademark system (example: Jorge Cruise’s trademarked “Carb Swap System”)
* That mentions how “easy” and “simple” the diet is
* That mentions results are “guaranteed”
* That includes specific timeframes in the title (“The 3-Hour Diet”, “The 5-Minute Zone”, “30 Days to Health”, etc.)
* That is a recycled version of an old diet with a new buzzword (ie “South Beach Supercharged”, “The NEW Atkins Diet”, etc.)
* That touts non-nutritional methods as its main premise (ie: weight-loss through hypnosis, weight-loss through affirmations, etc.)
* That includes a mention of the diet being a “breakthrough plan” or a “groundbreaking way to lose weight.”
* That promises you will “eat the foods you love”, “never feel deprived”, and “never go hungry” (take an extra shot if these promises include exclamation marks).
* That makes reference to a population (ie: “The Eskimo Diet”), historical time (ie: “The Paleo Diet”), or geographical location (ie: “The Okinawa Diet”)
* That alludes to “secrets” or “never-before-published” information
* “Written” by someone with little qualifications (Jessica Seinfeld’s “Deceptively Delicious” being the perfect example here; if her name were Jessica Smith, she would just be a random New York City mom pureeing two leaves of spinach into a dozen brownies every Saturday; Dr. Phil also comes to mind)
* That fetishizes one food (i.e.: papaya, coconut oil, olive oil, grapefruit, etc.)
* Tied to a separate product you have to buy (ie: A “cookie diet” that goes with a particular brand of “diet cookies”) (Nilsa Duran)
* With a photo of someone posing inside a pair of a random person’s (er, I mean their own) old, size 56 jeans (and stretching out the pants’ waist so as to make sure we see how BIG those jeans looks now)
Any others you want to share?
